Cracking Foxy

by Robert Buckley

A Knight Without Armor

When did crude become cool? When we began to exalt morons and bores? Somewhere, perhaps, in the morass that produced Beavis and Butthead, or the first time Howard Stern demanded, “Show me your tits!” And that’s about as original as he ever got or is likely to get, folks.

We just relieved ourselves of a president who thought the fart joke was the pinnacle of humor.

Punk’d, pimp’d and trick’d—I suppose the apostrophe is the mark of one too hip to use an ‘e.’ But, does anyone remember when we aspired to class?

Just as most of us who grew up at the tail end of the Twentieth Century, my heroes and role models were based on characters from the movies and television. I arrived right in the middle of that century, bridging generations that earlier admired Bogie and Cary Grant and later embraced Sean Connery and Harrison Ford.

And while my heroes have not always been cowboys, they were for a while, and I recall there were plenty around for a boy to choose from. Warner Bros. studios harbored a TV stable of reliable western characters: Cheyenne, Bronco Lane, Sugarfoot, and The Lawman.

There was the Lone Ranger, of course; he had a great back story. The actor who played the Range Rider, Jock Mahoney, looked too much like a melancholy uncle of mine. Roy Rogers always disturbed me on a primal level; instinct, I suppose, later in life it occurred to me that he resembled a child molester.

Hopalong Cassidy just looked too old; the guy had white hair for crissakes. But his all-black outfit appealed … going against the grain as it did. Gene Autry wore a white hat. Because he was a good guy, and since my sister took me to a couple of his rodeos at the old Boston Garden, I guess he was my favorite by default; although, his nasally singing voice grated on me even then.

And then there was Paladin. Mention that name to anyone under fifty and your likely response will be a quizzical stare.

I was still well shy of puberty, even pre-puberty, when the black-clad gun-for-hire arrived on the scene, but even then I could appreciate, as portrayed by the late Richard Boone, the quiet but powerful masculinity the character exuded. And there was something else about this San Francisco dandy who resided at an elegant hotel, and squired about stunning women, but who transformed into a lethal avenger, a black-clad knight-errant. I couldn’t have put a name to it at the time, but Have Gun, Will Travel was the first, and perhaps only western noir.

Paladin was not so much a hired gun as he was a private eye, zealously living by his own moral code in the tradition of Marlowe, Sam Spade, or the Continental Op. He had a mysterious past, perhaps a major regret. All the series allowed was that he had been a cavalry officer during the Civil War.

He was cool, classy, and erudite. He had his accoutrements: a custom-made Colt .45 that rested in a black-leather holster with a knight chess piece ornament, the same chess piece emblazoned on his business card (a western character with a business card!) which read: Have Gun, Will Travel ...wire Paladin ... San Francisco.

He would spend mornings in the hotel lobby excising clippings from dozens of frontier newspapers, then sending his card and the clipping to people who he thought might have need of his “services.” A reply would spur him to don his all-black traveling outfit and go off on a quest for justice. Paladin—from the knights of Charlemagne.

It was not unusual for him to turn on his client, if he thought he was being used in an unjust scheme. But one thing you could count on each episode, Paladin would quote Shakespeare, Shelley, or perhaps the Song of Solomon.

Have Gun, Will Travel was perhaps the most literate western ever presented on the small screen. And that had an impact on me and other kids who grew up following his adventures. We learned you could be tough and literate, that being cultured and well-read was “cool.”

Violence did not solve problems, but when it had to be applied, if should only be done as a last resort. Employing restraint and reason was not weak, it was smart.

Paladin killed his share of adversaries, but just as often he let them live and even championed them if he decided that the law was being applied unjustly. Nothing was ever entirely black or white.

And as the years passed, we realized something else, Paladin was sexy. Yeah, it’s true; guys can appreciate sexiness in other men, and aspire to be like them.

It probably wasn’t until Sean Connery’s James Bond debuted that the world was presented with a hero as cultured, urbane and yet lethal. But even 007 couldn’t compete with Paladin’s cool. I don’t think Bond ever inspired a kid to pick up a book of poetry, or delve into Shakespeare.

And sure as hell, Howard Stern and his ilk never will.

I miss classy heroes; I think today’s young people miss them too, though they don’t realize it. When’s the last time you listened to a character in a television drama or movie recite a sonnet? More likely you’ll hear them rip an ear-splitting fart. Hey, it was funny in junior high school; it’s a little old, or it should be, when you’re in your twenties.

Crude has its place. It can be used effectively to set a tone, or define a character. But crude for the sake of being crude isn’t sexy; it isn’t even funny. The laughs I hear today are strained, as if audiences feel obligated to laugh at some dolt repeating, “Tits and ass! Tits and ass!”

Maybe things are already changing; maybe classy will become cool again. And wit will trump witlessness.

Perhaps another Paladin is forming in the mind of a writer somewhere, or another Indiana Jones, who made a knowledge of history cool.

Or, maybe I’m just too much of a romantic.

Robert Buckley
April 2009

If you have any comments or insights to share about this column, please send an email to: Robert Buckley

Read more of Robert Buckley's Cracking Foxy in 2009 ERWA Archive.

______
"Cracking Foxy" © 2009 Robert Buckley. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written

About the Author: Robert Buckley is senior fiction editor at ERWA. His stories have been published in various anthologies, including editions of Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica and the Coming Togther series of altruistic erotica.

  E-mail this page

Copyright © 1996 and on, Erotica Readers Association, Inc.
All Rights Reserved World Wide. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or
medium without express written permission is prohibited.