Faking It

Why the deception?

It may sound like a silly question, but why do women fake orgasms? I can think of two reasons:

1. Because the woman is ready to get the sex over with.
2. Because the woman wants to make her partner feel good about himself.

Neither reason seems good enough to justify faking it, nor do they justify the myth that all women do it.  So, am I missing something, or what?  —Sandi

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From Sue
Anonymous, is it possible you lead your guy to believe he is great in bed? [see Anonymous' entry below] Everytime you fake an orgasm, he'll think he's doing a terrific job in bed. The man is cluess, and perhaps some of it is your own fault. Bitter pill to swallow, I know because I did the very same thing, and ended up in same situation as you find yourself.

I love my husband, in all ways but sexually. In that regard, I truly resented him. Once I realize I had to take responability for at least some of the problem, I sat him down for a serious conversation. Do not do this after you make love, but wait for a comfortable time to chat, maybe after a glass of wine or whatever.

From Sam
If he wants to know where you learned it from, tell him you've been having fantasies and want to share them with him. [see Anonymous' entry below] Or tell him you want to be a better lover and found a terrific sex self-help book -- show it to him, so be sure you have one on hand.

If he's still not receptive (could be he's just a lousy lover and there's no hope for him), than get a vibrator and introduce it to your lovemaking. If he balks, then use it when he's not around and enjoy yourself!

If you still need to get out of the relationship, then simply walk away - it's not hard if you can support yourself. Be sure to get a lawyer first.

From Anonymous
Hi I am 24 and have been married for 6 years. At first it was good but at about the 3 year I started faking, why? I have no trust for my partner when it comes to sex, the only time I ever mention to him something that I liked in bed the words that come out of his mouth were "who did you learn that from" and it really made me feel like a whore, the feeling was so bad that I never mention anything again.

He is 10 older than me, he thinks he is the best lover in the world, if I really want to have a orgasm I have to do the deed myself, and the worst part is I don't know how to get out of the relationship, please advise.

From Hectorina Smithe
I think that "normal sexual intercourse" does not result in most cases with the woman having an orgasm.  Unfortunately, the penis does not come into contact with the clitoris which is above the opening of the vagina.

I think all good husbands should make sure to stimulate the clitoris - either by hand, or by mouth.  He should be sure that the area is orgasming by feeling the contractions and expansions of the vaginal area.  Only then can he be sure he has brought her to orgasm - and, perhaps at that point her moans might also be a sign.  Some men who stimulate the clitoris with their mouths, keep it there and actually feel the contractions and know they did a good job.

From Lexi
I started young with sex...I know most won't admit something like that but it's more common than many realize. And one of the things I noticed was that penetration could not get me off (at least not then) and that only clitoral stimulation would make me orgasm.

When I got into my first sexual relationship, the guy was a total idiot and only did sex the way he wanted it because that was how he got off (needless to say it was bad sex). So from the onset, I faked it with him. Not saying it was a good thing but eh, you live and learn. After that, I just continued faking it until I realized how stupid it was for me.

It wasn't helping me at all. That's when my last ex realized after the first time we had sex that I was faking it. He told me I needed to relax and turns out it did help, but still, its not the highest and strongest climax I get.

I've since married a wonderful guy who enjoys pleasing me as much as I want to please him. My husband is a...connoisseur of sex. He's taught me so much about myself and showed me a great deal that I don't ever have to fake it. Except once...but that was because I was being a tease! Still good at faking 'em. 

From Cateyes
I used to fake orgasms but not anymore. I think that I did it because I felt embarrassed for not being able to have one and thought that there was something wrong with me.

Now that I am older,(40) I know that I need clitoral stimulation to have one, (which I usually provide by hand myself). I now also have G spot orgasms, those started almost 2 yrs ago when I was pregnant.

I normally can't have an orgasm when I have had too much to drink but my husband has gotten me to do that also.

Also, sometimes I just don't feel like putting in the effort to have one because sometimes it can take too long. This does not mean that I will not enjoy myself. I always enjoy sex even without an orgasm.

I have found that if I get kissing and nipple play before he heads right for the pussy, it will not take me nearly as long. With a lot of reading, I have found that all of this is true for many women.

So guys, start slow and enjoy the foreplay! Girls, don't be afraid to help with the stimulation and communicate with your men!

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