Porn and Relationships
Hot or not?

Recently I discovered a lot of porn on my partner's computer, and I went nuts. The fact is I don’t want my partners to feel like they can’t ever look at porn. What I want is to lose my hang-ups over it and let my partners enjoy. I mean we have good sex so why should I care?

Is porn part of your relationship? Does it heighten or diminish your sexual fulfilment? Share your thoughts about how porn effects relationships.    —Anonymous Web Reader

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From Doug
I've watched a small amount of porn.  Sometimes if I am looking for arousal I will use written erotica.  My partner isn't at all hot on porn.  We have watched a very small amount together and haven't repeated.  I much prefer real  activity with a warm loving lady over other people's activities and fantasy and masturbation.  There is nothing I could read or view that can compete in any way with the real thing.  Of course she is an attractive middle aged sexually responsive friendly lady who loves me and I her, and that helps.  Porn is empty and lacks the emotional connection made with a real person during sex.  To me that connection is the most important aspect.  Meditative intercourse sitting heart to heart, can be a most extraordinary experience.

From Cat
I'm not a fan of porn. I do understand it's draw on both sexes. Me I'd rather read stories. I guess I'm too critical about them. Sometimes the women and men don't look clean. Yuck, how could that turn you on! I'd like it to look real and see some kind of pleasure on their faces. And the verbal phrases could use a little more work. I'd rather spend that time with my partner. We have filmed ourselves and find that a real thrill. But everyone has their own ideas and ways of showing it.

From Just Watchin'
I think that if women would take a moment and understand the normal male's relationship with porn there would a lot less strife. Granted, anything taken to an extreme will harm a relationship. By all means, if your mate looks at porn all day everyday and ignores you, certainly, that's a problem. However, most males love to look at porn. The thing I wish women would understand is that it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't say anything how much he loves you, how much he loves having sex with you, how he thinks you look. It doesn't mean he'd rather have the women in the video or image. The reality is that his most energetic masturbation sessions are him imaging you and him doing the things he's seen in porn. Not him and the porn queen.

If he's not taking care of you, it has nothing to do with the porn, unless of course it's how much you are harassing him about it. There is some other problem to address. It's like masturbation. No matter how much he loves sex with you and how often you enjoy that, men still love to masturbate. Again, nothing to do with you. Any man that claims otherwise is lying. 

From Megan
I think porn is good for a relationship that's open to trying new things; it's good for people who are open-minded and experimental. It's good for any relationship that needs a new lease on sexual adventures. After a night of watching porn, you might find yourself daydreaming about what could happen the next time. Just thinking of things to do to each other could be enough to make you quiver during the day.  

I went out with someone a long time ago and while the sex was great... I knew something special was going to happen when he lit a LOT of candles, then popped in a porn video. And it set the stage for not only that evening but quite a few more. It was exciting. It was fun. It was definitely satisfying.

It's NOT good for any relationship that depends on it for fulfillment; it's not good if one of the partners is obsessed with it. (A sexual addict is NOT fun to live with.) It's definitely not good for any relationship where one partner doesn't enjoy it. Not only do the bodies have to agree, the minds have to do come to terms first.

From Drd
I'm a 25 year old male. I enjoy looking at porn and have done so since I was a teen. It's a nice dirty release from reality. The girls in the videos don't and can't judge me which is nice. I'm engaged to a very beautiful 20 year old and we now have a son together who is 2 months today. She gets enraged when she looks through the history on the computer and finds I looked at porn.

Ladies let me fill you in, we find you sexy and we love you or we wouldn't be here. Porn is just porn, it's a dark dirty place we can escape to every once in awhile. We're not trying to hurt you, and it isn't cheating. Once again if we didn't want you we would not be with you. Tale as old as time...man like porn...woman get jealous.

From Dr. Danny
I'm not anti-porn. My wife and I watch it sometimes when we are together and it adds spice to our lovemaking. It's a nice little treat once in awhile. But hearing about these young guys whackin to porn rather than being with their available girlfriends is really sad. And the tragedy is that young men who watch a lot of porn and masturbate tend to get conditioned over the years to only being able to get aroused and ejaculate this one way.

From Anonymous
Porn and relationships is great in the right relationship, me and my ex used to enjoy it together and we were open about, it was never hidden like a "dirty secret". But my partner who I have been with for 3 and a half yrs is destroying our relationship with it. I wouldn't have minded him watching it, but it has majorly effected our sex life. When we first got together we were at it like rabbits, then as he watched more porn our sex life decreased quickly and he became less interested in my needs... quick blow job trying to make me deep throat, doggy style him shoot his load and he's done. Never longer than a couple of minutes. I feel used when we do have sex, rejected when we don't. I don't feel like a sexual being any more when I felt like a sex goddess before. I can't take much more of it

From Robin
I have been dating my boyfriend for 19 months now. Our sex life was wonderful at one time, he took interest in me! But now he's into porn, and it is going to completely ruin this relationship or what is left of it. I have told him how it hurts me but he said "he'll never get rid of it" So that leaves me feeling less cared for and valued! Men expect women to put up with this degrading habit without any regards to our feelings. So after much pondering in my own head I have reached a conclusion for me. I do not care to look at porn though I have offered to try watching it with him, he hasn't taken me up on the offer so I believe this is his nasty little world, I'm not invited. So I figure if he's happy masturbating to his porn let him be. Myself, I can be valued and feel beautiful by others.

From Anonymous
I am the type that gets somewhat mad at the fact that my man watches porn....(sneaks). But at the same time I find myself wanting to watch it with him. Male/female only. When I try to bring it up in creative ways....I find it not happening. It can be turned into a sexy thing...we can learn a little something new.

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