Sex After Marriage

Who's doing it...or not?

I found myself wondering about the frequency of post marriage sex—or more to the point sex after the first few years of a relationship, married or not, straight or not.

I remember a former mother-in-law telling my new bride and I an old joke. It went something like this: If you put a penny in a jar every time you have sex for the first five years of your married life, and then remove a penny each time you have sex after that, by the time you die there will still be pennies in the jar.

Mom-in-law laughed, but I noticed her husband looked pretty sour and did not laugh. My own experience says this might just be true, how about for others here? I would be interested in knowing about gay couples as well.  —Jake

I know nothing about sex because I was always married. —Zsa Zsa Gabor

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From Jeff
I've been married over 25 years and sadly, it was very infrequent once we were married.  I'm talking once a month.  And she was very inhibited and self concsious... Very predictable and she was not very orgasmic.  As the years went on it became worse, especially after she started Zoloft.  You never know what hand you're dealt until after the honeymoon.  I guess that's why I'm on sites like this.

From Anonymous
Rarely do I get a chance to suck or touch my wife's pussy or tits any more.  It tickles too much is what she tells me.  The one thing that has kept us going is her vibrator.  Years ago I thought introducing that to the bedroom was a good idea, but it took away from our oral sex life.  I know a vibrator is her favorite and only way to reach orgasm now.  I've become obsessed with her admitting it and trying to get her to admit that she loves fucking the vibrator more than anything else.  For some reason that became a turn on for me. 

Recently she asked me to get the vibrator.  I began to use it on her as usual.  I asked her if she loved to fuck the vibrator.  To my surprise she said yes.  I told her to tell me she loved to fuck the vibrator more than anything else.  She told me she did.  I asked her to get in her favorite position to be fucked by the vibrator and she quickly rolled on her stomach and began to ride the vibrator as vigorously as I have ever seen her.  She kept telling me having me fuck her with the vibrator is what she loves the most.  When it was time for me to unload inside her after her orgasm I found out that she was wetter than I have ever remembered her to be.  I think I may have unleashed something in her.  She wants to be told what to do.  I have asked her to text me early in the day when she wants to be fucked by her vibrator at night.  I have asked her to also text me if she feels the urge to tell me she loves to fuck her vibrator.  I am hoping this opens new doors for us. 

From Anonymous
My husband and I have been together for over 5 years -- married for 3 of those. I am a VERY sexual woman. During the beginning of our relationship we had sex like bunny rabbits. We only got to see each other two days per week due to our work schedules but we would pretty much have sex all that time we were together.

After our work schedules synched, we could stretch the sex out a bit more. Sex all day for two days straight tends to make you VERY sore and although I kind of liked that.. it was kind of nice to not be. We had sex at least once a day up to three times per day.

My husband isn't as adventurous as me.. I had to talk him into anal sex but then he would just lay there not really getting into it, so we don't do that anymore.. but I have gotten him into some other kinky things so occasionally, like once every couple of months (I wish that was more), we'll have a good session of him chaining me up, whipping my ass raw and then fucking my brains out.

But regular sex wise.. it's at least twice per week or I get really cranky. He's tired a lot because he works a lot but he's also just not as into sex as I am. I'd love it at least once/day.. but yes, we did slack off some after marriage except it's sort of the reverse in our relationship. The girl wants it more, the guy wants it less.

From Nadege
Well being married for 15 years, I know that having children makes a big difference in your sex life after marriage.  But after listening to a lot of men and women talk about their sex life after marriage, they talk about how their mates become very relax and lazy with their looks and therefore let themselves go.  Meaning what their mates married is not the same person in the present. 

Not only that but for some reason after marriage "the pussy" becomes "the vagina" therefore not as exciting or spontaneous like it use to be. 

From Albert
Sex in marriage really depends on the individuals involved.  If you are really compatible, you will have similar sex drives that might ebb and flow, but will be similar most of your life.  The big problem I think, is it is hard to tell how sexually compatible you really are initially - I hate to say someone lies, but I have felt that way at down times.  I have been married for 28 years.  After feeling like we were compatible for the first 3 years, her interested declined, and declined. 

For over 20 years, we have averaged having sex maybe once ever other month.  I was unhappy with this when it started happening, and after talking about it but not finding a solution, I accidentally found a lover.  But that caused more problems that it cured and I never left the marriage.  Over the years (before marriage and after), I have had enough lovers to know that it is not a technique issue on my part...  I am very attentive, really love to give oral sex (I like receiving it too, but that NEVER happens) and try hard to ensure my wife comes every time we make love.

I honestly believe that it is just that she doesn't like sex near as much as what I would like (I would be happy with once a week).  It is just her personality...  So in the interest of keeping an otherwise happy home, having lube near the shower is the best alternative.

From Arnold
As we entered our fifties my wife grew less interested in penetrative sex having been very enthusiastic about both anal and vaginal sex.  But she continued to enjoy sucking me off and as this became our only act of lovemaking she increasingly became more proficient as I also took longer to come, sometimes our oral sessions would last half hour and she would make sure she swallowed every last drop of my cum, 'full of vitamins' she said. 

Depending on her mood I will get blown three or four times a week and I recall her once sucking me off while I drove along a deserted country road, and once as we flew overnight to Europe she gave me a wonderful blow job, her head in my lap, pretending she was sleeping, my cock in her mouth, all covered by a blanket.

From Shanna
As someone who uses an online sex/dating site, I can assure you that 90% of the guys there are married and cheating. The reason seems to be that their wife is no longer interested in sex. Sure, there's bound to be those who'd cheat regardless, but I have also heard the genuine pain in these guys voices as they explain the hurt that comes with being constantly rejected.

Most admit that the women they cheat with are nowhere near as desirable as their wife - they are however willing and available. It's like some women just turn off that part of themselves once they've had children. Not all women thankfully, but many. I don't know that its about marriage, perhaps just complacency.

From Doug
As there are a variety of interpretations present, I present both of my situations.  My marriage of 33 years went very downhill after 17 years when I developed a severe chronic disease that was undiagnosed by doctors for 16 years which turned out to be both natural b12 deficiencies.  Before that our sex life was probably pretty average, 2-3 times a week after 15 years and 3 children, down from 3-4 times a week early on.  Quality wise it was kind of so-so with a really great experience every few years.  By the end I felt really cheated put of a good sex life.  The last 10 years we were lucky to have sex once each week or two.  I was sick and had no energy and a sleep disorder and fell asleep several times during sex each time the last few years.  The quality, which hadn't been great, went down the tubes.

Now 7 years after divorce and in my early sixties I am having the best sex of my life with my girlfriend. She is 9 years younger. Almost every occurrence is equal to or better than the best of the previous 35 years.  We practice tantric/alchemical sex.  With no kids to complicate things and my major recovery from the chronic illness we can spend hours in sexual play and intercourse.  There is no worry, no chance of pregnancy, and while only once a week we spend more time on that one occurrence than the total of 3 times a week with my wife.  We are getting better and better at extraordinary sexual energy states.  I really have only the experience of these two ladies for comparison and the difference is night and day.  With one sex was a mediocre experience with a rare great experience.  With the other sex is routinely great and fairly often even better. In my 60s I am routinely having longer more intense and better all the way around sex than I ever did before in my life.

From Mary
We're a lesbian couple, and guess what? It's the same for us bent folk as it is for you straight folk: hot frequent sex early on, trailing off somewhat as the years move on.

From Guy
I married again in my mid sixties to a much younger very attractive Thai lady.  My wife has just passed the Menopause and has lost interest in sex .  My wife will always oblige me if I want to make love, but now in my 70s I cannot always maintain an erection.  I do better to take some viagra or similar; which is not so good for my health.  We make love every weekend.  Thai people are not accustomed to kissing and foreplay, which is something I miss a lot. 

I enjoy cunnilingus very much and would do it often, but my wife doesn't like it, although she orgasms every time; she is quite happy to suck me off and every last drop.  My wife thinks fingers and oral saliva are dirty, even though I'm fresh from the shower, teeth cleaned and mouthwash gargled .

I feel so sorry for those partners who are not getting enough. I remember a lady telling me she was lucky if her husband was willing 4 times a year.

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