Happiness is…
Sleeping in separate rooms?

One of the best things for a marriage, in my opinion?...separate rooms. Being able to sleep alone can be relaxing, healthy and less stressful than sharing a bed. It shouldn't be taken personally that someone might want to make love with you, but not necessarily want to actually sleep with you, though falling asleep together is most enjoyable. The point is that sleeping together, literally, can be uncomfortable and confining. You shouldn't have to sleep together, just because you're married, or living together.   —Rose

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. —Rodney Dangerfield

Happiness is...

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From Red
Twenty years ago a change of jobs meant we getting up an hour earlier than before.  This had my wife complaining so I transferred to another room, returning to the marriage bed for Friday and Saturday nights, often enjoying some great sex.  After a few months of sleeping alone my wife began to come to my room.  Not just walk in and climb into bed with me for a quickie.  She'd make a production of it and dress up in bra, panties, stockings and for twenty minutes or so my wife was a hooker, resulting in both of us enjoying some of the most wonderful, energetic, physical, sex of our marriage. 

In sleeping apart we had in fact re-discovered the joy of sex and, for a short while, we did a bit of light swinging with some like-minded marrieds.  We are now both retired, sleeping together but just as interested in sex as ever, my wife still enjoys dressing in basque and stockings for sex on those special occasions!

From Anonymous
I spent over 30 years in a marriage with little sex, little relaxed physical intimacy.  And now I'm many years into a very different kind of relationship.  While we don't have as much "sex", as in intercourse, et. al. as either of us would prefer, we love being in touch as we fall asleep.  The trouble comes in the early morning hours, when we begin to snuggle.  We must have a 100 different ways we twine together, and we hate getting up.  We snooze, and talk, and snooze some more.  It might be the best, most regular sex I've ever had.  I don't know what it is, some kind of electrical charge where we contact, but we get up feeling so refreshed and relaxed  and loving.  It's truly wonderful, for us.  Lucky us!

From Stacy
My hubby and I have been married almost 20 years and have rarely slept apart...until his snoring drove me to the couch.  I had to put an alarm clock in the living room to make sure I would be awake for work in the morning.  We both hated it so much that I decided to try earplugs to see if it would help.  The first few nights, I hated those earplugs...they felt so weird in my ears...but I finally got used to them.  Now, I use them every night (I find I can't sleep without them) and we now sleep side by side, spooned together tight.  Happy ending!

From Anonymous
I love sleeping alone. I don't sleep well. I have insomnia. Even in the most perfect of conditions I toss and turn. This has been most of my life. When I dated I didn't let anyone sleep over. Now I am married and have tried more times then I can count for us to sleep together. It just doesn't work. He snores like a freight train and I usually land up on the sofa. When I'm not able to sleep I keep him awake with constantly moving around, I really want my own bedroom and he's not happy about it. Nothing is stopping either of us from joining the other. I'm planning to convert our computer room into a bedroom. I'm looking forward to my won space.

From Anonymous
Although my wife decided she doesn't want me to touch her at all, I still find it comforting and necessary to have her in the same bed with me. It's a king size bed and we can sleep without touching quite easily. I find it quite erotic to look over and see her masturbate while she thinks I'm asleep. I often wonder if she watches me. When I travel, I find it hard to sleep in Hotel rooms alone no matter how comfortable the bed.

From Anonymous
I spend more time than I would like, sleeping alone. For the most part, this is because I usually spend more than a hundred nights a year in hotel rooms. That is not the whole story. I have a separate room at home and we often sleep apart. I tell myself that there are many good reasons for this: my wife is only two thirds of my weight so getting a mattress that works for both of us is difficult, I fall asleep instantly and generate a lot of heat and noise but I don't sleep for long, usually five to six hours, whereas my wife takes ages to go to sleep, is easy to wake and needs at least eight hours sleep. We are also both quite introspective people who need time alone.

Nevertheless, I sometimes wonder if, by being pragmatic and sensible and acknowledging the differences in our requirements, we have lost something. We have been together for more than thirty years now. I remember vividly the joy I used to feel when we first slept together. I loved the intimacy of it, warts and all: the shared warmth, the trust, the tactile stimulation, the deep knowledge of each other's bodies, the sense of connection, of shared purpose, of physical unity, of shutting out the world, of creating "us". I loved to wake early and watch her sleep. I loved the feel of her curled up against me in a way that said: "I desire nothing more than I have." It was, in many ways, more an expression of love than the sex that we shared.

So now I visit her room and wait for her to fall asleep or take her away on pagan weekends. The love is still there. The expression is different. We are different.

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